Write about Grief and Loss - Wednesday - The Langauge of Loss

I’m a writer so I’m really fascinated by language and especially the language that we use for death, dying and loss. We have so many euphemisms for death, from the gentle (‘he passed on’) to the humorous (‘he kicked the bucket’) and personally, I think this is because we’re so afraid to talk honestly about death and grief.

When my partner died, I was frequently appalled by the way people spoke to me about his death. I hated the platitudes. People told me that God needed a flower for his garden or that heaven needed an angel. They made me furious because I didn’t believe a benevolent God would steal my partner from me like that. But, for some people these kind of phrases are comforting.

I wrote a lot about the things people said that upset me and the things people said that I found helpful. You can read some of my blogs on this theme here.

https://griefwriting.blogspot.com/2016/04/things-not-to-say.html

https://griefwriting.blogspot.com/2016/04/things-not-to-say-part-2.html

https://griefwriting.blogspot.com/2016/09/it-sucks-im-here-i-love-you-or-what-to.html

Language is also important in remembering loved ones. It’s really common for families and romantic partners to have their own phrases, jokes and nicknames that are meaningless outside of the relationship and it can be a great loss to lose the person who understood that particular language.

Try this:

• Write about the things people have said to you since your loss that you’ve either found helpful or unhelpful

• Write about the language of your own family or the person who died. Did you have special catchphrases, pet names, jokes or shorthand that you miss using now?

Phone in and tell Paulette about it or email paulette.edwards@bbc.co.uk with your writing.