Fear is the enemy of writing
Fear is the enemy of love. I find myself singing an old favourite by the band, Sweetmouth, while I walk in the September sunshine this morning, knowing that I will return to write this blog. I often think in songs. One word can trigger a whole playlist and it often does when I’m running workshops; song titles make a fantastic springboard for new writing I’ve found. I played the album Goodbye to Songtown incessantly when I was a student, when I had no idea that fear was the enemy not just of love but of so many things, writing included.
Often when people come to work with me as a coach, they think they’re coming to talk about plot stucture, time management or how to break into the writing industry, but as soon as we start to talk about what’s getting in the way of them fulflling their writing dreams, fear is pretty swiftly discovered to be lurking in the shadows. It was for me, for many many years. In fact, fear was such a dominant force that I now realise that it stopped me from putting my work out into the world for decades. Strangely, the thing that finally vanquished my fear was the traumatic death of my partner. My world was so blown to pieces that I no longer cared about much else, including how other people saw me, and I splurged my writing unfiltered onto the internet to the horror, fascination and applause of my public. I learned a lot from that process - about vulnerability and authenticity and about the power of my writing voice and, though I wouldn’t recommend everyone take the same dramatic route, perhaps this is the silver lining of that profound trauma. When the worst thing that could possibly happen has happened, there’s not much to be afraid of anymore.
We talked about fear in Monday Morning Motivation this week. As I asked people what they were afraid of, I did wonder if it was a bit much for 9am but my writers were willing to be vulnerable and share their writing fears and we had a productive discussion. These are the things we were afraid of:
Other people’s perceptions of us
Bring unproductive and wasting our time on something no-one reads
Saying the wrong thing
Saying it in the wrong way
Not being good enough
Not being expert enough
Taking ownership of a story that isn’t ours to tell
Being too personal / vulnerable
The reaction of our friends and families
The blurring of boundaries between the personal and the professional
Being a show-off
Not seeming authentic
Being unable to recollect even our own experience accurately without the filter of memory
Not being clever enough
Exposure
When I read that list, it strikes me that there’s no wonder we’re afraid. The need for the protection of a tribe is primal and when we fear that by putting our heads above the parapet, we might lose the people we hold dear, the stakes are high. Even higher in the social media world where one wrong word can lead to ‘cancellations’ and pile-ons and the loss of reputation; when debates about cultural appropriation and privilege are rife and complex. It’s not easy to navigate at all. Much thought is needed when we decide what to share, with whom and when, particularly if we’re writing about subjects that might be triggering for ourselves and others. Authenticity and honesty, no question, lead to powerful writing but it shouldn’t come at the cost of our own mental health or that of others. It’s a fine tightrope to walk.
And yet, creativity is wedded to fear. When we create, we’re venturing into the unknown and the unknown is scary. When I’m scared, I like to remember the old adage that fear is closely aligned with excitement; nothing worth doing comes without fear. Not writing, and certainly not love. Loving again post-loss is actually the only thing I’m really scared of these days but I also know that love is worth it. I think writing is worth it too.
We ended the session with a You Tube video of Liz Gilbert’s Letter to Fear. I love her playful acceptance of the fact that fear is with her on any creative journey, and her decision to not let fear be in control. Navigating the writers’ journey is hard. It exposes our soft places and our fears as well as our joys. We need support to make that journey. Which is why I founded The Writers Workshop and why I run Monday Morning Motivation. It’s why my Monday morning writers feel able to share their fears too. Because we have a tribe and we have each other’s backs. Fear is coming for the ride, for sure, but we have a charabanc, not a car, and we adventure together. I make the playlist, but I love to hear the songs and the voices of my fellow voyagers as we head off to who knows where. Maybe you’d like to come too? There’s always room for one more.
